Fucking hello, bastards.

Thought I’d bring some levity to proceedings with a little swear.

Bum shits.

Right, that’s that done.

It’s been a while since I did me a little blog post, I’ve been on holiday most of the last month, Malta, then Cardiff and as I write this, I’m in Rhodes. I am, as you can imagine. fabulously wealthy. Or, I’m having to take all of my holidays this year in a ludicrously short period of time for a variety of reasons all of which are, at best, uninteresting.

Before I went away, I did some comedy at the Stand in Edinburgh and Glasgow. It was literally really good. I absolutely have a new favourite venue. Can’t wait to go back.

The train companies are a pack of cunts though.

When we go abroad, I have noticed a pattern, Claire (My wife and that) finds a few stray cats, then we spend the night feeding them cat food. Which she buys. Like a mental would. She also gives them all names.

Well, it’s either this or have my naked flesh lumbering all over her. She is right to do what she does.

Malta is very religious, I had though, promised not to moan and I hardly did. Except for one occasion when we took a tour bus around Gozo.

Gozo is really pretty and the bus commentary was fine. Although it did say the word fortified so many times that the word started to lose all meaning. The commentary did include reference to a number of local myths that were obviously untrue. That’s fine, I don’t have a problem with myths, as long as we all realise that they are just stories. The commentary ended though, with a poem (I’m thinking it’s by John Donne, although something tells me it isn’t...It’s one of those things that I normally would know but is slipping my mind right now.). It was that one about science clipping an angels wings, the point being that it’s a shame that people want to find out the truth rather than believe in stories.

Grow up.

I fucking hate that shit. Anti-science idiots who have no idea about how majestic scientific discovery is or what science even is at all. Unless you are a very young child, it’s a good idea to take stories for what they are and live in the real world.

I’ll tell you what else pisses me off.

Whenever you have a discussion with some one, you are just wasting your time. Nobody seems to actually listen to arguments beyond trying to think up ways to score points and back up the things they already believe.

I think it may be humanities biggest failing - The idea that you are considered weak if you change your mind.

It is that which will ultimately kill us all.

On the whole, I loved Malta though.

Not sure why we keep going to Cardiff really, Keir and Claire seem to love it though. We went to Barry Island because Claire loves Gavin and Stacey. Actually, although I’ve tried to fight it, it isn’t actually a bad show. I know, James Corden obviously IS a twat, that much is obvious. He’s actually a pretty good actor though.

There. I’ve said it. Fuck you society, I don’t play by your rules.

I feel like we’ve been away from Moses for too long, my cat, not the ten commandments guy. As an aside, it had the name Moses before I met Claire, I was not responsible for the name. Moses (The ten commandments guy, not the cat.) is, if we are to assume the bible to be accurate, is one of histories greatest monsters. My cat on the other hand, is no bother.

Rhodes is hot and I have burned my scalp, my head of hair offers a great deal less protection than it did a few years ago.

It is a package holiday, which is unusual for us. I’m enjoying the holiday but I’m struggling somewhat with the entertainment provided. I also steadfastly refuse to join in any activities. I think that sometimes I would like to be more gung-ho about these things and think ‘Yes, I will do some group aqua-aerobics’, yet, not enough to actually do it. I think that in such situations, I’m acutely aware that this isn’t the sort of thing that I do.

On the whole though, I’m glad about that.

A couple of days ago, ‘I Wanna Sex You Up’ by Color Me Badd came on as I was sitting in the shade. I felt suddenly removed from the situation and pondered that life is pretty much nothing. Whatever I do, or you do, it doesn’t really matter and it will all be forgotten.

Look at the greatest people who ever lived. Newton’s work is ultimately meaningless. Impressive, sure, but so what? Thanks to the discoveries of people like him we know what stars are and how the planets move, we live longer and longer, I can fly to Greece (On an aeroplane, you haven’t missed anything...) but so what? All we’ve really learned is that the universe is so unbelievably huge that this entire planet amounts to fuck all.

I am aware that this somewhat contrasts my views about that poem earlier but I was only thinking this because I was hungover.

Then I went for a swim and forgot about it.

But I think that is a mistake, looking for meaning in life, there isn’t any, not intrinsically. The only meaning life has is that which we bestow upon it, or that which we allow others to bestow upon it. Freedom or slavery.

I’ve actually had a great time, I’m sorry if this is needlessly introspective, it’s just Claire and Keir are asleep now and it’s dark. Lends itself to introspection, the dark.

Edinburgh Fringe soon for me, I’ve been working on a song, working way too hard on a song, to the point that I may be mental now.

Oh, it was less than 5 seconds between stepping off the plane and me cracking my first ‘Dusty Rhodes’ joke by the way. You can never go on holiday from yourself...

EDIT: Today (Tuesday) I saw a man in a ‘Rapmaster’ PN News T-Shirt. This is now the most surprising wrestling shirt spot of my life, beating the time I saw someone wearing an Alex Wright T-Shirt in an airport last year.