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Tired

February 25, 2010

I'm so fucking tired today.

Was at the Pleasance in Edinburgh last night, had a good time but didn't enjoy travelling too much. Actually, that isn't true, it was fine yesterday but shit this morning. I think it is mornings I don't like.

I got on the wrong train on the way to Edinburgh, so I had to pay £40. Actually that isn't quite true, I would have had to pay £40 except that they don't take solo. Instead, I had to get off at Berwick and get the next train. So, you have to buy a new ticket unless you don't have the money...If I was a tramp I would just stay on the train all day.

Stopped in a hostel and wasn't killed. It was a bit eerie though as I think I was the only person in a room with 38 beds in.

Went to the Mile on Tuesday, it seems like it will be a great venue for 'I Don't Get It' next Wednesday. I also got a review that said I look like an amish jew preacher, so if you don't come it is because you are anti-semetic. Actually, I'm pretty sure you can't be jewish and amish.

At Laughing Penguin on Monday...First show without any freinds in the audience, was better without them because I hate all of my friends. Except Binney.

Posted by Lee Kyle.

Shoes meet hands

February 18, 2010

Long Live Comedy on Tuesday, had a lovely time. Spread out my shoes on hands bit towhat is surely the maximum. It clearly wasn't for everyone, but I think everyone found it at least interesting. Somebody told me it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. That is because I am great.

Had to restore my laptop to factory settings, so I lost the Bath Festival show scripts I had been writing with the comedian Andrew Arrowsmith. Shit. I think I have remembered most of it though...Back up your fil...
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Posted by Lee Kyle.

Dave

February 9, 2010

This morning we had two cats, Moses and Dave. Now we have one.

Dave had been listless for a few days, she had struggled to eat, so we took it to the vet. They found a tumour in her kidney and ten minutes later she was put down. It was almost cruel in how sudden it was, although I know she wouldn't get better.

Dave was a Bengal and was deaf. We rescued her two years ago. We thought she was nine years old, but the vet (Who had treated her after she had been found on the streets.) had bumped ...
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Posted by Lee Kyle.

Then lots of things happened...

February 6, 2010

Firstly, Wayne, a friend since school, is opening an Open Mic night in South Shields, called 'I Don't Get It'. I'm giving him a hand, so anybody looking for bookings get in touch. I'm really looking forward to it.

Bath Comedy Festival coming up, was worried about it - an hour is a lot of time, but after writing with the comedian Andrew Arrowsmith and the writer Chris Hately, I'm feeling good about it. Ideas are really flowing, some of them are funny.

Accepted into the Hilarity Bites new act ...
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Posted by Lee Kyle.

Then John Travolta was a twat.

January 27, 2010

When I saw the footage of the earthquake in Haiti, I didn't immediately think 'This is the ideal opportunity for Scientology to make inroads into the nation.' That is because, as much of a dick as I can be, I am not as bad as John Travolta.

For fucks sake, Haiti is already the hotbed of Voodoo, if they want superstitious nonsense that won't help them in the real world, they already have that. They also have Christianity, they are literally spoiled for choice.

They don't have any food, but th...
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Posted by Lee Kyle.

Then I went to see a pantomime...

January 22, 2010

I've just been to see a pantomime and it was funny. What of it?

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Posted by Lee Kyle.

Then I put shoes on my hands

January 12, 2010

Did some comedy at the Kings Manor for Laughing Penguin, they are lovely folk and I had a lovely time.

Gavin Webster opened with some new stuff and is great; But you know that, but since he was on first and i was on last I now think of him as my support act.

I put shoes on my hands and it was funny; I may never write another joke again.

Missed the last Metro home, had to walk from Pelaw - It took an hour and I saw some horses in a field. It seemed too late for them to be up.

Posted by Lee Kyle.

Then, I suspected that I had an abcess in my anal cleft

January 7, 2010

I have had an abcess in my anal cleft before and it is rubbish.

I am very hairy down there and, occasionally, an ingrowing hair gets some germs in it (From nearby shit) and turns into a painful lump. The first time it happened I thought it was pain in my lower spine and just assumed it would go away. It didn't. Instead the lump grew and turned into puss.

I was told that if it happened again, it may need to be cut out. If this is needed, it takes a long time to heal, meaning that I'd have to...
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Posted by Lee Kyle.

Then I went to Scotland

January 1, 2010

I've just been to Edinburgh, the place not the festival. It is all pretty and that and I didn't even let all of the alternative health shops annoy me like they normally would - although they still annoyed me a bit.

I came up with a poor joke, which has almost certainly been thought of before, but I thought it might amuse Keir, who is 10: Where do Scottish women keep their boob? In Edin-bra.

A very poor joke, but he is 10 and kids love that sort of stuff don't they? The easily pleased ...

Posted by Lee Kyle.

So, I returned to Long Live Comedy

December 31, 2009

At 4pm of the day of my next spot at Long Live Comedy, I realised that the new material I was working on wasn't good, so I took a risk and rewrote it. The crowd was a lot smaller that night, probably due to Christmas, but I managed to find time to chat to more of the people on the bill, many of whom seemed very nice and offered advice.

It was more difficult this time, as the crowd didn't seem overly receptive to the second half of the act, although it is still a routine that I feel has p...

Posted by Lee Kyle.

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